Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Dating and Valentine's Day: Or, single lady judgment at age 27.

Sometimes, it's hard for single people to suffer through Valentine's Day without a special someone or a date or a random, drunken booty call to fall back on.  Or sexting.  Does that count nowadays?  Other times, if you're lucky and you're in a good place in your life, Valentine's Day can come and go and your only awareness of it stems from the chalky antacid hearts that someone inevitably brings to the office.  Frankly, I've been anti-VDay for a long time, but I've at least reached a point that allows me to turn a blind eye to those that enjoy the celebration.  Go forth and eat that too-rich food and then get busy, because that's why the original pagan Lupercalia was all about.  Fertility, bitches.  (But wear condoms, because surprise fetuses are the worst kind of surprise.)

The other day, I was complaining (cuz it's my MO!) to EM and EM's-now-fiance about the usual single lady complaints, and EM's fiance kind of looked at me weird because he is a man and therefore does not understand wedding bell blues and in a few words, shut me up about my singleness complaining.

"Okay, so you might not be engaged or married or popping out babies, but you have accomplished some other things in your life," he said.  I was still grumpy.  It's not like I have a novel published, here.

He continued:  "Those accomplishments are for other people.  You're not a person who would operate well saddled with a husband and children at this age."  He's right.  I like comic books and video games and walking around my single lady apartment ass naked.  Also drinking wine from a bottle, watching documentary reruns and knitting without being judged like I'm some old lady.  I'm not ready to be married.  Actually, I don't even *really* want any kind of a relationship right now, because I don't have all of MY shit together just yet.

"Besides, I'm really glad you're not dating most of the guys that you've dated that I've met, because I didn't really like any of them," he said, quite candidly.  EM nodded.  I nodded.  EM's fiance nodded again.  Don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of my past relationships, gray area things, flings, makeouts, whatever... I have always cared and will always care for the fellas that have come into my life, but I've learned that change inspires growth, and at the very least, I think I've done quite a bit of growing.  You know, more than just like, my hair or my waistline.

So, here I am.  Single again on Valentine's Day, but maybe a little less bitter (just go with me here, people) because I won't begrudge any of you romancers your chocolate candy and time to enjoy each other and roll in the hay.  You will not find me watching romantic comedies and eating a huge box of chocolates that I bought for myself.  You will also not find me getting piss drunk and watching people in Texas get eviscerated with a chainsaw out of spite.  You'll probably find me at home, pantsless, surrounded by new comic books and hunched over my laptop, working on the next Great American Novel.

It's about zombie sharks.


  1. Oh Zombie Sharks. One got me back in December 2010. I'd show you the bite, but it's really unpleasant to look at. The scar is pretty glorious too.

    Also, I'm ignoring Valentine's day. I don't think it'll go well, but here's to hoping!

  2. I am eagerly awaiting your great novel. You can't go wrong with Zombie Sharks.


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