Let's Talk About Something Good, Like Addiction!

It's my belief that everyone has at least one addiction. Some are better than others, I think. Like, I'm pretty sure it's okay if you're addicted to something like laughter, but if you're addicted to something like kicking nuns in the shin, you might need some help. Sometimes it's really a fine line between what is okay, and what should be managed more closely.

Thanks, Cyanide and Happiness! You guys TOTALLY GET IT.

I made you guys a list of acceptable and unacceptable addictions, just so you can have a tangible reference source.


ACCEPTABLE:

- caffeine.


UNACCEPTABLE:

- when you start walking to Starbucks every fifteen minutes because you're afraid if your heart rate drops below that of a hummingbird, your circulatory system will explode from shock.


ACCEPTABLE:

- helping others because charity makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.


UNACCEPTABLE:

- when you start adopting children en masse from third world countries in the hopes that TLC will give you your own reality television series. (Dibs on the working title "The Average Broad and Her Unaverage Brood!")


ACCEPTABLE:

- acquiring a few tech gadgets to keep up with the changing times.


UNACCEPTABLE:

- kidnapping numerous tech nerds and forcing them to update your social networks constantly so you can feel like you've kept up with the changing times.


ACCEPTABLE:

- the occasional splurge on something fun, like shoes or lingerie (or whatever guys buy when they splurge. Maybe porn or like... a signed football or something?)


UNACCEPTABLE:

- splurging regularly on drugs and strippers. And hookers.


SOMEWHAT ACCEPTABLE:

- alcohol. In moderation. Also, only if it's good alcohol. Whiskey and Guinness are acceptable, because they are delicious.

TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE:

- excessive use of bad alcohol, like Popov, Milwaukee's Best, moonshine and anti-freeze.


ACCEPTABLE:

- collecting things as a hobby, such as postcards, shot glasses or Guinness memorabilia.


UNACCEPTABLE:

- collecting dead bodies and/or other people's wallets. Oh, and other people's cars, and other people's children. I hear that last one is a big no-no.


ACCEPTABLE:

- buying albums on CD and vinyl.


UNACCEPTABLE:

- buying albums on vinyl when you don't have a record player. (I fail this one because I started collecting vinyl years ago and have yet to buy a good record player. Also, I'm a hipster about it because I have records hanging on my wall, so... I suck.)


NOT AT ALL ACCEPTABLE:

- any kind of addiction that has you bent over snorting coke off of a stripper's ass, any kind of addiction that involves Ed Hardy, Jaguh Bahmbs and fake tanner, anything that involves punching babies or nuns, or probably shark fining. I don't know if that's an addiction, but maybe to some person. Whatever. It's *wrong*.

I hope that helped clear things up a bit for you guys. You're welcome. I'm here to help, after all.