Let's think about Halloween costumes.

First of all, Halloween at my beloved college was absolutely insane. It was a week long celebration of hedonism unlike anything I had ever experienced before. My friends and roommates would go all out - dressing to the nines in at least three different costumes every year. That's a LOT of Halloween costumes to accumulate.

Yes, that is Halloween in Santa Barbara. I found that picture here. Can you imagine a week of that? Jeez.

So now you understand partly why I feel this need to have over-the-top costumes every year. It's totally habitual, mostly. Ha ha, what do you mean 'that's ridiculous'?! IT'S EFFING HALLOWEEN, YOU ASSHOLE. (Sorry. I'm switching to decaf soon to prevent those kinds of outbursts. [I'm not really switching to decaf, do you think I'm freaking crazy or something?!])

Anyway, I tend to have a problem with female costumes, because almost everything is "sexy" something. My group of guy friends would joke whenever us ladies would talk about costumes, like:

Me: I'm going to be a decapitated Marie Antoinette for Halloween this year!

Da Boys: But like, a "sexy" decapitated Marie Antoinette?

Billie: I'm going to be Betty Rubble for Halloween this year!

Da Boys: But like, a "sexy" Betty Rubble?

You get the idea. This year, Billie and I were talking about costumes again. We both were adamant in our refusal to go out and buy all kinds of new pieces and decided to reuse things from our costume drawers, putting together some kind of Frankensteined new costume from old costume bits. Brilliant, I know.

"I have another costume idea," Billie said to me. "But it's kind of scandalous."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I have this turquoise corset and ruffled panties, and then a bunch of accessories!" she said.

"So... what would you be, besides almost naked?"

"That'd be it! But with no pretense of being a "sexy" anything else!" Billie exclaimed.

"Oh, so you'd be GOING as a stripper. That would actually be pretty hilarious. Then, when people asked you what you were supposed to be, you could say 'every girl on Halloween!' Or you could carry a garden hoe and just go as a Skank Hoe," I said, marveling at Billie's genius.

"Exactly," she agreed.

While her idea definitely has merit, I think I'll stick to my gory, horrifying corpse costumes. Any excuse to run amok covered in blood, really.

Oh, but don't worry, it'll probably be like, a "sexy" corpse costume.