Pick Up Lines Explained Are Less Effective

Me: Maybe what I should do is post on his wall, "Hello sir. Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"

Friend with Great Hair: Is that a riddle or just the strangest question you could come up with?

Me: The answer is: enough to break the ice.

Friend with Great Hair: oh. wow.

Me: No? Not funny? Damnit. I am totally laughing at that.

Friend with Great Hair: I'm laughing at the fact that you're laughing at it.

Me: It's such an amazing line! Get it? Polar bears weigh enough to break the ice! And they do! Because of global warming. Also, breaking the ice in a conversational way.

Friend with Great Hair: No, no, I get it. That's not the issue.

Me: So, you just aren't getting the mental image of a polar bear in a bar, are you?

Friend with Great Hair: Well now I'm just seeing a bunch of big hairy men drinking beer in Canada. And making out. So thanks for that.

Me: Big hairy men? In Canada? Seriously? Because I was thinking along the lines of like, an *actual* polar bear. In a bar. Breaking the ice with his weight.

Friend with Great Hair: How many times are you going to explain this to me? Do I need to just tell you it's an awesome line?

Me: Also because GLOBAL WARMING weakens the ice!

Friend with Great Hair: It's an awesome line. And G-Rated for your grandchildren.

Me: WHICH I WILL HAVE BECAUSE THE AWESOME LINE WILL WIN HIM OVER.

Friend with Great Hair: *through teeth* yeah you will.

Me: ...

Me: I shouldn't really have children, should I?

Friend with Great Hair: Not at this point, no.