Thursday, January 27, 2011

It's so scientific!

The Average Broad: (Discussing Cameron Diaz in her 'thriller' The Box. Or The Button. Or whatever that movie was called, where there was a button in a box and a million dollars to kill someone or something.) Sometimes I really like her and sometimes she annoys me.

MEH: She hasn't annoyed me yet.

TAB: Well, you want to be up in her box, which means there's a brain chemical that makes you more easily able to deal with her annoyances. It's in all men. You can tolerate crazy, obnoxious, annoying broads if you want/think you're gonna get up in that box. The brain chemical, I'll call it 'letsbonerone,' is released when you see a beautiful woman and she starts talking about things like her last manicure and her cat's behavior. It enables you to tune her out in favor of envisioning her naked and further put up with things that would otherwise make you bitch slap her and go "STOP TALKING!"

MEH: My God! You nailed it on the spot (no pun intended).

TAB: It's tantamount to the brain chemical in females called 'wealthogen,' which gives women the ability to ignore how ugly and wrinkly a man is, provided that he has money. It also heightens one's ability to hallucinate beautiful men during sex.

MEH: Put the will on the headboard. Makes the sex easier.

TAB: Yes, exactly. I think I need some wealthogen injections. Don't think I have enough.

MEH: If you work here, you definitely don't have enough.

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