Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I don't get into political debates because I use bizarre analogies.

Very Political Friend:  I can't believe how Rush Limbaugh is acting!  First to call some poor student a slut and then to offer up some half-assed apology.  It's shameful.

Me:  I don't understand why you can't believe that.

VPF:  Because he totally crossed a line!  Don't you think so?

Me:  Well, he's a figurehead who makes his living with sensational pseudo-journalistic political commentary.  It would be more appropriate for you to be shocked if he were to come out and say, "Politics are silly!  I'm going to live with the penguins in Antarctica before it all melts away due to global warming."

VPF:  What the hell are you talking about?

Me:  I'm saying that I am not shocked by his behavior.  To expect a turd to be anything more than a turd is naive on your part, actually.

VPF:  Are you a Republican?

Me:  No.  Maybe I'm not explaining myself well enough... Okay, think of it like this:  Rush Limbaugh is like a dominatrix.

VPF:  This is supposed to explain things?

Me:  Shh, yes, okay.  Limbaugh is a dominatrix.  You, as a member of his audience, are the submissive.  You're the one with the power in this relationship.  You're the one who can control how much attention he will get for his shameful behavior.  The surest way to disappoint him would be for everyone to think, "Oh, Limbaugh is being a twit again!" and turn off the radio, or stop reading his blog, or whatever.  You can walk away from the situation.  As long as everyone is talking about what a twit he is, he'll get more press and publicity, which is how he pays his bills.  Don't want to support him?  Don't listen to him.  Just like the submissive in the relationship, you are the one with the safety word.  You can say "stop" or "banana" or whatever your safety word is.  And then move on to more important things, like buying me tacos and beer.

VPF:  Sometimes, I worry that you are a voter.

Me:  That's weird, because I usually worry about everyone else being a voter.


  1. I totally understood everything you said and I agree with you. I stay out of it all too

    1. Thank GOD!! Politics just give me a headache. I'm glad my bizarre political analogy did not frighten you off.