Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Oh heeey, Immune System!

Dear Immune System,

Hey there! I won't start off by asking how you're doing, because I know you've got your hands full with that mutant death flu that the rest of my body is harboring. I just wanted to reach out to you to make sure that you're really doing your job, because at our pace, we can't afford to be M.I.A. - especially since there are dates on the line with cute boys.

We've shared some difficult times, you and I. Last week may have been a stretch for us what with all the drinking and staying out late, but come on, Immune System, we're still young! I know we feel hangovers a *little* more acutely than we did in college, but that's no reason to strike me down in my prime. I tried to make up for it this weekend by getting lots of sleep, eating things mostly not made of crap and taking plenty of Emergen-C and Theraflu, but you've been a little slow on the recovery, if you ask me. We can't have you dropping the ball.

Here's the bottom line: we leave tomorrow morning for the Seattle vacation we've been planning for months, and then when we get back we're gonna hang out with eharmony guy and some of those other journalist boys we've met. It would really help me out if I didn't have to be concerned about a stuffy nose, bloodshot eyes, sore throat that makes me sound like a pre-op tranny and body aches that make me really cranky. If there's anything else I can do for you in the few hours before our flight, let me know, because once we get on that plane it is VACATION TIME. Alcohol will be imbibed, fried and cheesy food will be eaten, and we will be operating on little or no sleep. Please take note of these conditions and do your part to ensure that I don't send myself into some pneumonia-induced coma.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. Please let me know if there are any further questions regarding these matters.


The Average Broad

1 comment: