Sorry, James.

The Oscars. Hollywood's night to award some of the highest paid, Armani Prive and Chopard wearing people with little golden men, whose purpose is ultimately to raise the salaries a little more. Tonight was no exception - if last year was more subdued because of the economic recession, this year was rife with extravagant, full-skirt ball gowns and way too much back-patting. The red carpet coverage was more awkward than a nerd going through puberty, but everyone looked pretty damn great, and at least Avatar didn't sweep.

Karmic retribution for my sharp tongue lies in the fact that I think I have a cavity. Possibly my first ever. Hopefully not...